The Do's and Don'ts: Connecting with a Grieving Colleague
A SERIES - PART 3 OF 4
Unsure what to say to a grieving colleague? Discover these compassionate communication tips.
The interwoven threads of personal and professional lives mean that, at times, sorrow and grief will find their way into our workplaces. A colleague you've seen more often than perhaps even your family might be grappling with a personal loss or a major life-challenging event. In these delicate moments, the weight of our words takes center stage. What do you say? How do you say it? More importantly, what shouldn't you say?
This is part 3 of our four-part series. Today, we'll delve into the intricate dance of communicating compassionately with a grieving colleague, providing you and your team with practical do's and don'ts to be a beacon of support.
The Do's
1. Do Express Condolences:
Start with a simple "I'm sorry for your loss." This phrase might seem overused, but its power lies in its genuine simplicity and needs no other words before or after.
2. Do Listen Actively:
Listening is a potent tool. Your colleagues might want to share, reminisce, or even discuss unrelated matters to distract themselves. Be there, be present, and listen.
3. Do Offer Specific Help:
Instead of the vague "Let me know if you need anything," offer tangible assistance. "I can cover the presentation this week" or "Would you like help with that report?" are actionable offers.
4. Do Respect Their Grieving Process:
Grief isn't linear. Some might find solace in work, while others might need time away. Respect their method of coping without making assumptions or taking things personally.
5. Do Check-in Periodically:
Your initial support is essential, but grief can be long-lasting. Periodic check-ins, even a simple "How are you feeling today?" can mean a lot.
The Don'ts
1. Don’t Offer Clichés:
Statements like "They're in a better place" or "Everything happens for a reason" might come from a good place, but they can often feel dismissive or even hurtful.
2. Don't Share Your Grief Stories Unless Asked:
While you might think that sharing your personal experience with grief can help, it can sometimes come off as overshadowing their pain. Focus on their feelings and experiences.
3. Don't Push for Details:
If they wish to share specifics, they will. Avoid prying or asking for details about the event or their feelings. This is particularly true in death – asking about how someone died is deeply personal and it doesn’t make the pain of the loss any better.
4. Don't Offer Unsolicited Advice:
Grieving individuals rarely need advice. Offering unsolicited suggestions or pushing them to "move on" can be detrimental. An alternative if you feel the urge is to ask, “What do you need from me today?’
5. Don't Avoid Them:
While it might seem like giving space, avoiding a grieving colleague can make them feel isolated. A simple nod, smile, or brief greeting can convey your support without overwhelming them.
"Statements like 'They're in a better place' or 'Everything happens for a reason' might come from a good place, but they can often feel dismissive or even hurtful."
Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Grief in a Digital Age
In today's age, with remote work and digital communication becoming increasingly prevalent, understanding how to offer condolences over digital platforms is essential. Here are a few pointers:
- Personalize Your Message: Avoid sending a generic text. Personalize it based on your relationship with the colleague.
- Video Calls: If you're close, consider offering a video call. Seeing a friendly face can provide comfort.
- Respect Digital Boundaries: Give them the freedom to respond independently. Avoid bombarding them with messages.
Communicating with a grieving colleague is not about finding the perfect words – it's about the intent behind them. It's the genuine desire to support, understand, and be there during challenging times. Following the above dos and don'ts ensures that your words and actions provide solace and understanding.
Part 4 of our series will delve deeper into creating an organizational culture that inherently supports grieving employees. Stay with us as we explore the spectrum of grief within the professional realm, striving to make workplaces more compassionate and understanding.
If you've just tuned in, we recommend checking out parts 1 and 2, where we explored the impact of grief on team productivity and equipping managers to handle sensitive situations. Your journey towards becoming a pillar of support in your workplace is just beginning.
READY TO NAVIGATE LIFE’S TRANSITIONS WITH EXPERTISE AND COMPASSION?
Hi, I'm Carrie Forster, founder of whole sum. coaching. As an ICF ACC-certified coach, I bring personal experience and empathy to my work and help navigate these waters.
If the silent struggles in the workplace resonate with you, don't hesitate to contact me with questions at carrie@wholesum.me.
Let me be you and your team’s compass during life’s inevitable changes, individually or in a team.